krabi lovin'

It has been slightly more than 24 hours since I left Krabi and I am missing it much already.

The trip was a much needed respite from the humdrum of daily work.

Awesome company to make up for a place infested overcrowded with tourists and the lackluster and very much over-hyped scenery.

Oh, did I mention I saw 2 shooting stars from my hotel balcony on my last night?

(:

(Krabi, 2011) Lovely sunset at Phra Nang Beach

traffic woes

For the first time in my life, I felt relieved when I reached home by the train with no hiccups today.

Let me clarify upfront - I am not going to join the angry mob of people complaining about the poor standards of transport in Singapore. In fact, I think the reaction was too extreme. I am not one to let anger get the better of me. I AM affected by this transport fiasco - the train is my main mode of transport and I would need to sacrifice more than a couple of snoozes in the morning because of the reduced train frequency. Indeed, we need to get to the bottom of the matter and improve on the service standards. But updating facebook statuses incessantly with sarcasm-lined grouses is not going to help things.

What I gleaned from this episode is how much we have taken for granted a fully functioning transport system. The only concern I ever had about trains was the time of the last train, never whether there will be a train fault. Today, it was with slight trepidation of another train failure that I embarked on my train journey home. Boy, was I glad to tap out of the CCK train station. Again, I am not grumbling about the poor standards of train services in Singapore (though I do demand an explanation of this severe lapse in service too). I am just amazed that commuting via the train was such a mindless daily routine until I was caught out of my comfort zone when breakdowns happen. This episode will only make me more appreciative of the current transport system we have in Singapore - congestion, breakdowns, fare hikes and all.

Can we demand for better standards in transport? Yes, definitely. But do we have a valid case to claim that we are worse off than other countries? That, I am not sure. And given that I am not paid to write this, I have no incentive to turn this personal entry into an empirical study of transport systems around the world. In my humble opinion, I do think we have reasons to be proud of our transport system. There is congestion during peak hours and when major accidents happen, but traffic never comes to a gridlock for hours which I know from my Human Geography case studies that it is a daily occurrence in major cities of developed countries. There are times when the train systems breakdown, but the workers will not go on strike on a whim which happens more than often in many European cities. The transport network is not as extensive as many wished but at least no one (at least I hope) has to walk for hours just to get to the nearest bus stop or train station. Cab fares are expensive, but a simple Google search revealed that Singapore is nowhere near the top 10 list (Zurich tops the list with USD20 for a 3 km ride).

My thoughts, your fodder. Good night.

moping... for a while only

人不是鱼，怎会了解鱼的忧愁；
鱼不是鸟，怎会了解鸟的快乐；
鸟不是人，怎会了解人的荒唐；
人不是鸟，怎会了解鸟的自由；
鸟不是鱼，怎会了解鱼的深沉；
鱼不是人，怎会了解人的幼稚；
你不是我，怎会了解我忧愁。
<幾米>

Sometimes, I feel greedy even asking for just one person to know me for who I am and not judge me - dreams, tears, insecurities and all.

putting things in perspective

不要埋怨生活給予了太多的磨難，
不必抱怨生命中有太多的曲折。
大海如果失去了巨浪的翻滾，
就會失去雄渾；
沙漠如果失去了飛沙的狂舞，
就會失去壯觀。
人生如果僅去求得兩點一線的一帆風順，
生命也就失去了存在的意義。
<幾米>

Indeed, I would love a life free of worries, hurdles and difficulties.
In fact, I had once made that my goal, erroneously thinking it would be the cure to misery and key to happiness.
But living such a life would be as fun as watching the second hand on a watch tick - mechanical, predictable, boring.
And I would miss out on the opportunity to push my own limits and surprise myself at what I can achieve when I set myself to it.

on adulthood

You know what is it about adulthood that scares me the most?
It is the knowledge that I have the complete power to create or destroy my future.
This is why I make decisions, small or big, with trepidation, knowing that I have no one or nothing to blame if anything fails.
I know I should just stop being such a baby, whining about such stuffs and DO something about it.
But it is IT, it is the fear that creeps up late at night, just before I doze off, annihilating whatever confidence I had built up in the day.
Should I? Can I? Shall I?
There are days when I feel the world outside the doors of my home is a bedlam, and all I want to do is to hide under my blanket, read a book and munch on chocolate - altogether at once.
Why is adulthood so different from how I imagined it to be when I was young?
Why do I not possess the confidence, courage and wisdom that I once thought was gained with age?
Or is putting on a brave front despite all odds what adulthood is all about?
If only I have the the suaveness to make a decision, never look back, and never be plagued with the detestable sense of remorse.

post work week thoughts

You could control the outcome of breakfast by what you chose to eat and then you could do it all again the next morning. But you only got one shot with all the big choices and then everything changed forever. 
(The Grift, Debra Ginsberg)

The week has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, and the maelstrom has only started. Clearly, as my 4am bedtime creeps back, I am over-thinking once again. I know it, it is the all-too-familiar sense of fear. The kind that edges out all sense of rationality. The kind that you gain with each passing birthday because you have heard so many horror stories of confidence gone wrong. The kind that puts out the fire in you and leaves a cold, hard, unfeeling shell. Then you ask yourself: are you going to fight back with all your might or let fear consume what is remaining of you?

To death with fear.

Happiness... ?

Reading the lifestyle section of The Sunday Times is a weekly Sunday ritual for me. An article on the 'reflect' section today resonated much with me, and inspired me to write about this big concept called Happiness, with a capital 'H'.

The article was about the writer's changing views on happiness as she grows older.
Some quotes from the article:
  "In my 20s and 30s, I was preoccupied with why I wasn't happier and how I could and should be happier. I had myriad reasons and excuses for not feeling on top of the world every single day: If only I had someone to love. If only someone loved me. If only I was married. If only I had a child. If only I was doing better in my job. Or earning more money. Or skinnier/fitter/taller/had nicer legs."
  "Happiness is a moving target. Getting a much hoped-for promotion at work might have brought happiness for a few days, but that joy faded very quickly and I was soon back to feeling vaguely dissatisfied again."
  "I also grew to be wary about being happy because whenever I got too happy, something bad always seemed to happen."

Happiness is something that has always been on my mind. Being young, bold and idealistic then (probably when I graduated from university), I had grand plans of how I was going to set out to get to that famed yet illusory destination called Happiness. That was my biggest mistake - attempting to find a place without knowing where the place is. Years as a working adult passed and I, not only got seriously lost, but grew unhappier. JUST WHERE IS HAPPINESS?

Instead of knocking myself in the head at laughing at my own stupidity for looking for something I do not know, I found reasons to explain why I am not happy - I don't earn enough. I am too ugly. This is not my dream job. I have not met Prince Charming. - and got myself in some serious bouts of depression and self-pity.

The revelation only came recently, suitably crystallized in the article, that I have been a fool all these while.
Why am I pursuing something that sounds sexy but that I have no idea what it is about? Happiness? What's that? Maybe I should leave that to someone who is more intelligent to define and find. Meanwhile, I should just be contented to be happy. Being happy on an everyday basis - like drinking good coffee, like having the bus arrive just when I reach the bus stop, like having good food, like watching a good movie, like receiving a surprise gift, like spending a good night out with friends... See how many ways I know to be happy? I should just stop preventing myself to be happy. I WILL stop preventing myself to be happy.

I wouldn't say I am now a guru or am in any position to preach about the secret to being happy. I am not feeling on top of the world, but I am not killing myself worrying about not getting Happiness. I just know how I can make myself happy, and to cope better with negative emotions. Happiness is inaccessible, at least for me now till I figure out what that is, but being happy is perfectly within my reach. 

Sharing with you what I wrote on facebook a few months ago:
"Sometimes, I wish upon the stars to be happy, then wonder why I do so when I know perfectly well that being happy (or not) is my choice, not the stars'.

taiwan: chasing the sun

Though i would be the first to run away from the mid-day sun, sunrises and sunsets are something I always look forward to for my overseas trips. I am someone who will wake up at 4am in the morning just to catch the sunrise, much to the dismay of my travel partners. I find it highly therapeutic to watch the sky change colors, bask in Mother Nature's grandeur and think about everything and nothing. My favorite part has got to be the tiny moment during sunsets when the sky is painted a magical purple hue after it sheds its orange veil, but before it is engulfed by the dark of the night (just refer to my post on my Sri Lanka trip). Sadly, my expeditions for sunrises have been less than successful so far with the clouds always spoiling the show. I am betting on a trip to Mount Kinabalu to catch the sunrise there, which is purported to be one of the best.

Dan Shui 淡水
This was my second time watching the sunset at Danshui (which is a really popular place for watching sunsets), but I still didn't think it was that good.

(Danshui, 2011)

Cing Jing 清境

I insisted on trekking for 15 minutes with my parents in tow after the minsu owner recommended this place for watching sunsets. The hills were a nice backdrop for the sunset, but it still doesn't rival the one I saw in Sri Lanka.

(Cing Jing, 2011)

Check out what brilliant colors my toy sunglasses (the one I blogged about before which makes me look like an absolute poser) give! I kept telling my parents that my sunglasses make the sunset prettier and they agreed after trying it on. Compare this picture with the one above which was taken just a second after. See what I mean?

(Cing Jing, 2011)

(Cing Jing, 2011) That's my Daddy!

He Huan Shan 合歡山
I signed up for a sunrise tour to He Huan Shan on the last day of our stay and that was the highlight of the trip! Waking up at 3am was tough, but it was worth it because He Huan Shan is so scenic! Even my mum, who originally scoffed at the idea of waking up at 3am, agreed with me too. (But I shall not digress as this is a post on the sun, so more photos of He Huan Shan another time if possible.) The scenery was stunning, BUT just look at the clouds! I am so deprived of a good sunrise...

(He Huan Shan, 2011)

(He Huan Shan, 2011) Can you not feel the sun rays pierce through the darkness (and clouds)?

taiwan: furry friends

(Taichung, 2011) The owner was using her bulldog as a rack for the clips she were selling.

(Taipei, 2011) Spotted this kitten at a pet shop at Shilin. Oh, just look at that woeful look!

(Taipei, 2011) The dogs were part of an adoption drive, but I am not sure why they were made to lie this way.

(Cing Jing, 2011) The resident cat of the 7-11 near our minsu. I love her poise.

(Cing Jing, 2011) The pet dog of our minsu owner. Sometimes friendly, sometimes rude, overall deranged - I mean the dog.

"an absolute party in my head"

I had to use quotation marks for the title as I grabbed it off an article I was reading while keeping myself occupied being an insomniac. Perfectly describes my state of mind now. How infuriating to be awake when I know I should not be.

I don't know, I don't understand, I can't comprehend. I feel so tired in the day, yet can't fall asleep at night. I had tea in the morning, but was positively blabbering nonsense in a meeting, I had to gulp down a bottle of chicken essence during the break. Lunch was a light salad and another shot of caffeine booster. Still, the afternoon was unbearable, especially when it involves brainstorming for ideas and battling with numbers on excel. Not recommended activities for a weary mind. (Mental note: Better run another check on the spreadsheet tomorrow and own up to any mistakes before I get into trouble for it) I am behaving worse than my neighbor who is jet-lagged from his Europe trip, didn't sleep a wink last night and nursing his post-holiday blues. He was giving me the what-right-do-you-have-to-be-tired-look. During dinner, I had to struggle to conduct a proper conversation. I couldn't believe I made it through the day when I reached home. I was so sure I would knock out straight when I hit the sack.

AND NOW I AM STILL AWAKE TYPING OUT THIS STUPID POST!!!

This has been going on for a while and it can't (not humanly possible to) go on for much longer. When did a good night's sleep become a luxury? If so, what's the price?


Link to article here if you are interested:
http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/09/begin_to_think_differently.html

a reminder

一直要等到人生开始倒数，才发现生命的来不及

A line I heard on the telly, which caught my ear straightaway, and almost made me tear.

Probably because of a visit to the hospital earlier in the day, and the hospital is always a place that triggers sobering thoughts for me. I hate the antiseptic smell, the sterile air and the various scenes of loneliness, hopelessness and despair. I flinch at the sight of tubes poking into a puny pile of skin and bones, and the sounds of those moaning in pain.

Most of the time, I would avoid looking at the other patients (especially the older patients), but during the times I did steal a glance, I could literally feel a shiver down my spine. How could a healthy human body be reduced to such a lifeless form? Why is he/she alone? Would my parents or I be like this someday - helpless and deserted? What can I do to prevent this?

It irks me that I am no hero who can stop time or prevent the onset of illnesses. But I guess this is just part of the bargain we all get in life. Sometimes you get good fortune, and sometimes you don't.The least I can do, for my parents and myself, is to ensure that they and I can look back to a life well-spent with no regrets.

Just one of those nights when I am overwhelmed by so much gratitude and love.

loving my phone screen!

Seeing this repeatedly day and night ought to make me put it in practice.

Beach, anyone?

Bought a pair of severely oversized shades on a whim today.
Now I need to find a place to go where I can wear it and look cool, without seeming to "try too hard"...

Rainy Days And Mondays

Talkin' to myself and feeling old. Sometimes I'd like to quit;
Nothing ever seems to fit; Hangin' around, nothing to do but frown;
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

What I've got they used to call the blues: Nothin' is really wrong;
Feelin' like I don't belong; Walkin' around, some kind of lonely clown;
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

Rainy Days and Mondays
Carpenters

The song which got me in the mood for a little Carpenters' medley on Youtube... my dad will be so proud of me.
Oh, the silly things that one do when one is sniffing and coughing away alone the night before a public holiday when her friends are sipping martinis.
How I appreciate good health now!

On a slightly happier note, check out what came in the mail... So pleased with myself.

What do you get when you fall in love 

A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

What do you get when you kiss a guy
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, he'll never phone you
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

I'll Never Fall in Love Again

Carpenters

dear underwater world, we finally meet.

(Pulau Aur, 2011) what is underwater is a lot more amazing!

More photos to follow when I get them.

a tribute to my phone

Dear iPhone

I still remember the first time I heard my colleagues talk about you. They were swooning over you and couldn't wait to lay their hands on you. I, being the obvious Luddite, was rolling my eyes thinking, "why would I need a phone with so many functions?" A phone should remain true to its purpose, which is to provide calling, and in the current age, messaging capabilities. I was happy with my then-love, the sexy Sony Ericsson in red, from which I could not only call, message, but also tune in to the radio on my long, boring rides to work. There, beauty with substance.

I don't really know when I changed that impression of you. Maybe because I have heard so much about you I just have to meet you personally. Or, it was fate, the four-letter word which starts with an F that is almost always employed to explain the unexplainable.When I first met you, I was a complete klutz. I didn't know how to handle you. I had to read the instructions manual cover-to-cover just to figure out how to turn you on. (Who reads those things nowadays actually?) And when you buzzed to life for the first time, it marked the beginning of a sweet one-sided love affair.

You had the strange magnetism of attracting anyone who comes near you. From the stylish curves of your body to the seductively animated face and the delightful ring of your sound, any attempt to resist you was futile, and pointless. I could still remember how my friends would go "iPhone?!" in high pitch when they see you with me, back in those days when you were still considered an exotic beauty. (You are still a beauty in my eyes.) I especially love how you respond to a cool swipe of my finger across your screen - a snub to the crude keypad-punching habits of the other phone users.

Needless to say, you became an essential part of my life.You accompanied me while I waited for the bus every morning. You kept me occupied during the drowsy morning commute. You kept me entertained while I waited for my friends who are almost always fashionably late.You gave me something to do while waiting for the elevator. You made the tiring crowded public rides more bearable. You provided an alternative to awkward conversations.You were with me in the dark of the night during my frequent bouts of insomnia. In short, you are also my most honourable filler friend.

With your indisputable intellectual capabilities, you outserved and overdelivered. What you could offer blew my mind - emails, Internet, Facebook, camera, MSN, Skype, apps and much much more. I cannot deny that you had a big part to play in my now estranged relationship with my once indispensable companion called Computer. Which caveman once said a phone is just for calling and messaging?

Of course, there were times when I had to put up with your nonsense, like when you refused to budge for no known reason, even after I hit your button 500 times and hurled verbal abuses (manifested as evil thoughts) at you. But this tiny bit of displeasure for all the happiness? I am more than willing to bear with it. And don't those warriors in love like to say "love is not perfect" or "loving you means loving your imperfections"? Yes, I get what they mean now. Sometimes for a wild split second, I would consider our separation, until I am quickly jolted back to reality by the thought of your inferior substitutes in the market. You are irreplaceable, my love.

Thank you for making such a big difference in my life.

Loving you always
Your owner

Show off

Last week, I had a craving for something extremely sweet and satisfied my craving with a mini sugar doughnut from Four Leaves. I told my mum how yummy it was.
Today, I had the same craving but had to stay late for work so I couldn't get any. When I got home, my mum told me she bought a couple of sugar doughnuts from Four Leaves for me because she remembered that I like it.

Such is how blessed I am.
Thank you.

work-in-progress

It is hard to always be a piece of work-in-progress.
You are definitely better than the piece of raw material which you started off as.
But still not quite the perfect finished product you were supposed to be.
You can give up the fight and convince yourself that you were meant to be a wip.
But what are you, without the zeal?

Then, there are dreams.
And your dreams of seeing your dreams come true one day.
Maybe being wip is okay - for the time being.
As long as my dreams stay close to me.

talking to myself

Change is scary. No change is scary too.Change is scary because it is a leap into the unknown. It is a gamble, or at best a calculated risk, of making the outcome of the change better than your status quo. This is simple to understand.

What is harder to appreciate is that no change is scary too because it is just an illusion. There is no way we can remain unchanged when we are growing older by the second. Yes, time. Time is the catalyst and the agent of change. Time, the evil who walks by unnoticed, too cunning to be caught, then creeps up to you unknowingly to deliver a nasty surprise. It marches on methodologically and stoically, doing its work, whether facing joy or sorrow, almost robotic, but better, because it never NEVER breaks down.

No change is scary because others change. People leave and new people come. I can be the obstinate old lady who refuses to budge but can I say nothing has changed when the people I held on dearly to has already moved on? Can I say status quo remains when what was familiar is already a vestige of the past?

Then, it seems as though the debate between change and no change is moot. It is a case of voluntary change and involuntary change. And we know that anything that is involuntary is bad because it indicates unwillingness and powerlessness. Therefore the only way to prevent involuntary change is to do the opposite - voluntary change. Since voluntary change is good for us, then it is irrational to fear change. Why should we fear anything good?

Fine, no fear. But what change? This, or that? Or that? What about the RESULT of the change? I don't want to be the one responsible for my own downfall. But then again, how can I let anyone else bring about my downfall? No, no. If I were to collapse, it can only be because of me. Me and my weakness(es). So any change, that brings about undesirable results, can only be blamed on... ... me?

Perhaps there are some things which insignificant minions like us human beings are never meant to figure out. A curse of ignorance that was cast when Eve bit the apple that relegates us to a lifetime of searching.

thinking aloud

I would, if I could, run away.
Without a goodbye.
But, will I ever look back one day, and realize that I was just this close from getting what I want?

I would, if I could, hang on.
Without a waver.
But, will I ever look back and realize that I was the only person standing between me and happiness?

I knew it wasn't gonna be easy, but no one told me it's gonna be this tough.
If only I even had a morsel of conviction in me...
Oh, Jasmine. Stop it.


Secondhand Serenade - Is There Anybody Out There?
[Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/secondhand_serenade/is_there_anybody_out_there.html]

You can say goodbye,
To all the things that you have ever known.
You can say goodbye,
And leave behind the life that you have grown.
What's the point,
You try to start from scratch,
But get let down,

You can say goodbye,
Just to realise there's no-one left around.
So what am I fighting for?

Tell me
Is there anybody out there?,
Am I swimming through this empty sea alone?,
Am I looking for an answer?
Or am I trying to find a way to get back home.
Is there anybody out there?
Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried?,
I'm looking for an answer
And just trying to find a way to survive.
You can live and die,
Without the chance to find out what your worth,
You can live and die,
And never find the one that she'd deserve,
You can walk alone,
And live inside the shadows in your heart,

You can say goodbye
Only to find you've been alone right from the start
So what am I fighting for?

Tell me
Is there anybody out there?,
Am I swimming through this empty sea alone?,
Am I looking for an answer?
Or am I trying to find a way to get back home.
Is there anybody out there?
Would you hear me if I screamed or if I cried?,
I'm looking for an answer
And just trying to find a way to survive.

Art is...

... A multi-purpose card
(The small print on the top says "*delete / select where appropriate)
So useful, it makes sense to order in bulk

Singapore Biennale 2011, Singapore Art Museum

... A tribute for an unsung hero
Sometimes, it is just a matter of perception

Singapore Biennale 2011, Old Kallang Airport

Singapore Biennale 2011, Old Kallang Airport

Singapore Biennale 2011, Old Kallang Airport

... the sound of 39 metronomes beating to a different rhythm each
It threatened to drive me to insanity

Singapore Biennale 2011, Old Kallang Airport

... A portrait of a popcorn
Hmmmm.... nice frame

Singapore Biennale 2011, Old Kallang Airport

... A 7 minute video of a McDonald's outlet being flooded
Killed my appetite to have a McValue meal for lunch

Singapore Biennale 2011, National Museum of Singapore

Singapore Biennale 2011, National Museum of Singapore

... A few beautiful words on a dusty window pane
Whatever it means, it just feels oh-so-romantic

Singapore Biennale 2011, Old Kallang Airport

Singapore Biennale 2011, Old Kallang Airport

... Graffiti on the wall
Indeed, i don't

Singapore Biennale 2011, Old Kallang Airport

photos avalanche: sri lanka

shall make up for my lack of positivity since the first post with an overdose of pictures!
presenting some never-released photos of my sri lanka trip that were taken with my good, old trusty lumix.

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Colombo, the capital city

The organized chaos that characterizes the busy streets of Colombo.
Our last glimpse of civilization before our week-long dive into the rustic charms of central and southern Sri Lanka.

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Galle Face Hotel at Colombo

The oldest hotel east of Suez, since 1864.
Much like the "Raffles Hotel" of Sri Lanka where we stayed for 2 nights and where I attended my first Sri Lankan wedding.
Love the colonial feel.

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Sigriya or Lion's Rock, UNESCO World Heritage Site

View from halfway up the granite peak which is surrounded by the ruins of a kingdom built since the 5th century.

We got a great view of the area after a long walk in (check out the brown trail), and a steep climb up plenty of tiny staircase steps to the summit. 

Oh and how can I forget the perfect thunderstorm that greeted us, turning the rickety staircases into mini rapids.

Luckily the sky cleared mid-ascension.

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Dambulla cave temples, UNESCO World Heritage Site

My attempt at an artistic peek inside the caves which failed terribly.
One look at this was enough for my friend to comment "You need some serious lessons in photography".

(Sri Lanka, 2010) View from Adam's Peak

An extremely sacred site for Buddhists world over.
Our 7km steep climb up started from 1am so we could be in time for the sunrise - which we all agreed was not that spectacular.
The clouds chose the wrong time to be out.

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Horton Plains National Park

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Horton Plains National Park

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Horton Plains National Park

I love, i love, i love green green plains!
One of my favorite places at Sri Lanka, and the place where I made the fateful decision to not cut short the trip.
We embarked on another 8km walk/hike at the plains, 7000 feet above sea level.
Love the morning walk.

(Sri Lanka, 2010) World's End at Horton Plains National Park

We had time to soak in the view from this famous World's End before the clouds decided to move in and spoil the party.
Those brown lines that weaves around the hills are actually the windy, bumpy roads we traveled on for most of our car journey.

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Uda Walawe National Park

THE PRETTIEST SUNSET I HAVE EVER SEEN!
Only Mother Nature can paint such a picture.
And this is merely an unedited photo i randomly snapped with my 5 year old point-and-shoot camera.

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Dickwella, view from my resort room balcony

We shared half-melted ice cream, chips, laughter and this good view while waiting for the sun to set at my room's balcony,
3 hours.
Nice.

(Sri Lanka, 2010) Nadun Uyana at Galle

The first time we played with firecrackers, much to the amusement of the caretaker and cook at the bungalow we stayed at.
What a blast!

Now

Nothing pleases me more than to be lying in bed reading a really good book, shielded from the insane heat (ironically contributing to global warming) with the aircon at a cool 25 degrees, and accompanied by decent music from the radio.

If only Monday has not already crept up surreptitiously, bringing with it the end of my leisurely weekend indulgent pursuits.

A while more, I say.
Am gonna pay for my hedonism by charging to my sleep debt.

it's one of those nights again

(Macau, 2011) Do you not love the ocean like I do?

I hate to be in an emotional rut, especially one that is unrelated to the monthly female affair.
Then there is nothing/no one to blame for being where i am (i.e. in a rut), except myself.

I hate feeling so immensely blessed,
yet so utterly unsatisfied,
thus so thoroughly disgusted with myself,
hence so very confused with who i am.

And the worst part of it all?
The dredging up of the past that is best left sealed and buried.

It is even morbidly funny how one depressing event can trigger such a tumult of (unrelated) negative emotions and thoughts.
As though the depressing event is a cue for my submissive mind to think "hey, let's throw a party to celebrate sadness and make events of the unhappy past honorary guests of the party!"
And before I know it, I am enveloped in this doom and gloom and sorrow and grief.

Ta-dah!
*presents current state of Jasmine

A New World Order

It has been 4 years, 101 posts, a multitude of emotions and plenty of memories.
And one day, a couple of months ago, it just didn't feel right to write on that space anymore.

It felt foreign.
I don't know who the writer is.
The thoughts could not have been mine.

I felt like a change / I needed a change / I changed.
Whatever. Change is here, and so is this blog.

Oh, welcome, dear reader.